Wed Jul 18, 2018 2:57 am
I agree with Robert. This needs tightening considerably. The opening is terribly long. The jump cuts in the walk back from the butcher could actually work if mixed with the waiting scenes of the man. Otherwise, they are jarring but without need or goal.
The music took center stage much of the time and pulled me out of the visual story. I also don't have any idea if there is a mirror in front of the man. I don't understand why he should be shocked unless he was poisoned. He should not see the woman behind him.
Visually, many shots are great looking. But narratively, it is slow and confusing. Tightening it would fix most, but an establishing shot with a mirror or something is needed at the end. The only thing I can figure is the clock is supposed to provide the reflection, but I don't buy it. I would have cut to black from the last shot about 66 frames sooner (by single stepping in YouTube.) The persistence of vision will allow the viewer to still "get it" and it would look less melodramatic, rather than shocking or dramatic.
Films are written three times. Script, Photography, Editing. This will work well, but it needs to be tightened up considerably in the third writing. Much better to have a powerful shorter piece than a lagging longer piece.
Last thought on length. Is this supposed to function as a music video soft of? That would make sense why the music is predominant. Although it feels like the music was pulled out to the full length and could handle being shorter.
I really like the visual look and how you controlled lighting to make each scene feel almost claustrophobic. That works really well.
Last edited by
sacherjj on Wed Jul 18, 2018 3:22 am, edited 1 time in total.
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