New Short Shot on Ursa Mini 4.6K

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Dave Perry

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New Short Shot on Ursa Mini 4.6K

PostTue Jul 17, 2018 12:32 pm

Hey everyone. It's been a while since i've posted but I wanted to post a link to the latest work I've done. It's a short film shot primarily on the UM 4.6K with Schneider Xenon FF Cine lenses. The opening shot is the UM from 0:00-0:12, then I use a DJI Osmo with X5 camera to 0:37 and back to the UM. I'm very pleased with the way it turned out. It's something I wrote, directed, and DPed. The final cut is about as close to the original vision I had when I wrote the first draft as I've ever come. Having said that, we were over ambitious in trying to shoot an 8 page script in one day. We had to schedule a pickup day and still had to drop a couple of shots.

As pleased as I am with it however, I'm also always open to constructive, professional criticism, so if you see something that could have been done better pleas feel free to let me know.

Thanks, and enjoy!

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rick.lang

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New Short Shot on Ursa Mini 4.6K

PostTue Jul 17, 2018 1:58 pm

Very entertaining and well executed. I think we could each imagine a few different endings and this might have been an opportunity to include several alternate endings in the short, beginning with the obvious one with the woman lying down with the bloody steak over an eye which would lead to the alternate endings that she presumably imagines where “there will be blood.”

Good to hear from you again, Dave.


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Last edited by rick.lang on Tue Jul 17, 2018 4:59 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Dave Perry

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Re: New Short Shot on Ursa Mini 4.6K

PostTue Jul 17, 2018 3:23 pm

Hi Rick. Thanks. We did have an alternate ending, and the steak on the eye was considered elsewhere in the film but we opted to not use that because it seemed a slight bit cliche`. Thanks for the feedback.
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Robert Niessner

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Re: New Short Shot on Ursa Mini 4.6K

PostTue Jul 17, 2018 11:56 pm

*** Spoiler alert ***

Dave, to be honest - and I'm straight to the point, I felt the editing dragged the story too much and the song was getting annoying after a while. It takes 40 seconds of just walking and nothing happens until she enters the store. Then she leaves the store and we see 17 seconds of her walking with lots of jump cuts. Then we get to see her husband who is waiting and checks three different clocks (yes we get it - he is waiting). Then she prepares the meal - and has 3 big knives already there. Yet the butcher packed her another big knife into the parcel? The last shot with the guy overacting like stock footage of a shocked banker could be saved by cutting out to black a bit earlier.

All in all I felt the story could have done more with the crush the butcher had on her and you should not use the song all the time - or completely get rid of it and work with sounds.

Well, i know this was harsh, please don't get mad at me ;)
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Re: New Short Shot on Ursa Mini 4.6K

PostWed Jul 18, 2018 2:57 am

I agree with Robert. This needs tightening considerably. The opening is terribly long. The jump cuts in the walk back from the butcher could actually work if mixed with the waiting scenes of the man. Otherwise, they are jarring but without need or goal.

The music took center stage much of the time and pulled me out of the visual story. I also don't have any idea if there is a mirror in front of the man. I don't understand why he should be shocked unless he was poisoned. He should not see the woman behind him.

Visually, many shots are great looking. But narratively, it is slow and confusing. Tightening it would fix most, but an establishing shot with a mirror or something is needed at the end. The only thing I can figure is the clock is supposed to provide the reflection, but I don't buy it. I would have cut to black from the last shot about 66 frames sooner (by single stepping in YouTube.) The persistence of vision will allow the viewer to still "get it" and it would look less melodramatic, rather than shocking or dramatic.

Films are written three times. Script, Photography, Editing. This will work well, but it needs to be tightened up considerably in the third writing. Much better to have a powerful shorter piece than a lagging longer piece.

Last thought on length. Is this supposed to function as a music video soft of? That would make sense why the music is predominant. Although it feels like the music was pulled out to the full length and could handle being shorter.

I really like the visual look and how you controlled lighting to make each scene feel almost claustrophobic. That works really well.
Last edited by sacherjj on Wed Jul 18, 2018 3:22 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Dave Perry

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Re: New Short Shot on Ursa Mini 4.6K

PostWed Jul 18, 2018 3:07 am

Thanks for the feedback Robert and Joe. A couple of things each of you said were mentioned when we were vetting the edit before the final cut. One thing that plays into this whole piece is that it is actually a hybrid short film/music video. The band did not want a traditional performance/lip synched video though. The narrative was inspired by the music, not the lyrics. The band loves it and is using it as an official video for their latest album release.

As a filmmaker though, I value the input and criticism. Thanks!
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Re: New Short Shot on Ursa Mini 4.6K

PostWed Jul 18, 2018 3:24 am

That makes more sense with the music focus. The visuals make me wish I could afford to upgrade my camera.
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Dave Perry

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Re: New Short Shot on Ursa Mini 4.6K

PostWed Jul 18, 2018 3:30 am

sacherjj wrote:The visuals make me wish I could afford to upgrade my camera.


Thanks for the kind words :)
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Robert Niessner

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Re: New Short Shot on Ursa Mini 4.6K

PostWed Jul 18, 2018 7:37 am

As a music video it makes more sense.
I didn't really listen to the lyrics while watching because I was focusing more on the story.

After re-watching it now I think it might have been cool if she was walking with the knife lying flat on her hands (like it was in the parcel) in the opening to grab the viewers attention. And then start telling the backstory.

Visually most of the shots look great, I just found the close ups of her at the butcher`s a bit akward framed.
Saying "Thx for help!" is not a crime.
--------------------------------
Robert Niessner
LAUFBILDkommission
Graz / Austria
--------------------------------
Blackmagic Camera Blog (German):
http://laufbildkommission.wordpress.com

Read the blog in English via Google Translate:
http://tinyurl.com/pjf6a3m

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