Story Help

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Steve DiMaggio

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Story Help

PostSun Sep 15, 2013 9:46 pm

Writing a physiological short movie about a janitor, would it be better for to keep the janitor in the school the entire time if that is where all the action happens or should I go deeper into his private life, I want to keep this short to 5-10 minutes. Ideas?
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Mark Jamerson

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Re: Story Help

PostFri Sep 20, 2013 11:39 pm

I'd incorporate his private life because personally I don't think people appreciate the dirty job they have and how little it pays and effects their lives
Mark Jamerson
Jamerson Studios
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Steve DiMaggio

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Re: Story Help

PostSat Sep 21, 2013 1:12 am

thanks man, I actually do a custodial job aside from my main job, surprisingly it pays as much as a first year treacher in the right school districts, thanks for the input! 8-)
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David

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Re: Story Help

PostMon Sep 23, 2013 9:06 pm

I would delve personal but keep it at the school. Make his office/store room or his cupboard into a secret sanctuary where all his "inner life" is locked away and concealed. A ghost in the machine.
Last edited by David on Mon Sep 23, 2013 9:12 pm, edited 1 time in total.
David Daniel
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DanAbrams

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Re: Story Help

PostMon Sep 23, 2013 9:11 pm

I would stay at the school too. Taking it to another location makes it more complicated and for a five minute short you want it to be simple, simple, simple.

Find a way to make it personal with out leaving the location. Maybe he gets a text message. Or maybe he has a cubby with personal possession.

I would advise you to consider objects. What personal objects does he carry on him and why do they matter to him.
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Steve DiMaggio

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Re: Story Help

PostTue Sep 24, 2013 4:08 pm

thanks guys, now just got to round out the rig and nail down the story!
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Bob Hart

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Re: Story Help

PostMon Sep 30, 2013 4:17 pm

I think I concur with confining the location to the school, unless you are wanting to show a mood change which is dictated by his environments. I assume that you actually mean "psychological" drama.

I am guessing you are setting up your janitor as a potentially if not actually threatening character then turning the story around for a kicker or redemptional conclusion.

Are you following the "Lawnmower Man"/"Chimera"/"Flowers For Algernon/"Gor" template or going counter-genre?

"Flowers For Algernon" the novel came first, "Chimera" was next, then came "Lawnmower Man". They were similar stories. "Gor" was from memory a BBC television movie which was substantially original but followed a similar sequence.

Slightly off-topic, I recommend Lee Chambers' script novelisation "The Pineville Heist" which can be found on Amazon Books. It may help to get you in the zone.

Good luck with your project.
In compliance with forum process as to identity on posts, my name is Robert Hart.
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Steve DiMaggio

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Re: Story Help

PostMon Sep 30, 2013 5:13 pm

the janitor would be the threatened one
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robmclark

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Re: Story Help

PostMon Sep 30, 2013 6:48 pm

Would love to hear more about the story. Maybe the Janitor plays victim throughout but his former life comes into play when he is pushed to far...
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Steve DiMaggio

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Re: Story Help

PostMon Sep 30, 2013 8:43 pm

What I wanted to play on was how overly sensitive your senses become when by yourself in a large building for many hours. Countless times this past summer I thought I saw or heard things, when it really was just my mind playing tricks on me. Spending many hours alone in an empty school can get weird at 5am. I wanted this to take place over the summer when shool is out.
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robmclark

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Re: Story Help

PostTue Oct 01, 2013 7:48 am

That's a good concept. Being alone for significant periods of time also has a strange effect on human behavior. You lose social skills over time in isolation- even looking someone in the eyes after 30 days of isolation becomes awkward...
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Steve DiMaggio

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Re: Story Help

PostTue Oct 01, 2013 1:37 pm

funny last night I started mapping everything out, and I was writing some dialog of a lunch room scene telling stories from when I drove cabs. I think that is going to be the first thing I shoot! I have about 12 scenes for a cab story also

Steve

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