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Story Help

PostPosted: Sun Sep 15, 2013 9:46 pm
by Steve DiMaggio
Writing a physiological short movie about a janitor, would it be better for to keep the janitor in the school the entire time if that is where all the action happens or should I go deeper into his private life, I want to keep this short to 5-10 minutes. Ideas?

Re: Story Help

PostPosted: Fri Sep 20, 2013 11:39 pm
by Mark Jamerson
I'd incorporate his private life because personally I don't think people appreciate the dirty job they have and how little it pays and effects their lives

Re: Story Help

PostPosted: Sat Sep 21, 2013 1:12 am
by Steve DiMaggio
thanks man, I actually do a custodial job aside from my main job, surprisingly it pays as much as a first year treacher in the right school districts, thanks for the input! 8-)

Re: Story Help

PostPosted: Mon Sep 23, 2013 9:06 pm
by David
I would delve personal but keep it at the school. Make his office/store room or his cupboard into a secret sanctuary where all his "inner life" is locked away and concealed. A ghost in the machine.

Re: Story Help

PostPosted: Mon Sep 23, 2013 9:11 pm
by DanAbrams
I would stay at the school too. Taking it to another location makes it more complicated and for a five minute short you want it to be simple, simple, simple.

Find a way to make it personal with out leaving the location. Maybe he gets a text message. Or maybe he has a cubby with personal possession.

I would advise you to consider objects. What personal objects does he carry on him and why do they matter to him.

Re: Story Help

PostPosted: Tue Sep 24, 2013 4:08 pm
by Steve DiMaggio
thanks guys, now just got to round out the rig and nail down the story!

Re: Story Help

PostPosted: Mon Sep 30, 2013 4:17 pm
by Bob Hart
I think I concur with confining the location to the school, unless you are wanting to show a mood change which is dictated by his environments. I assume that you actually mean "psychological" drama.

I am guessing you are setting up your janitor as a potentially if not actually threatening character then turning the story around for a kicker or redemptional conclusion.

Are you following the "Lawnmower Man"/"Chimera"/"Flowers For Algernon/"Gor" template or going counter-genre?

"Flowers For Algernon" the novel came first, "Chimera" was next, then came "Lawnmower Man". They were similar stories. "Gor" was from memory a BBC television movie which was substantially original but followed a similar sequence.

Slightly off-topic, I recommend Lee Chambers' script novelisation "The Pineville Heist" which can be found on Amazon Books. It may help to get you in the zone.

Good luck with your project.

Re: Story Help

PostPosted: Mon Sep 30, 2013 5:13 pm
by Steve DiMaggio
the janitor would be the threatened one

Re: Story Help

PostPosted: Mon Sep 30, 2013 6:48 pm
by robmclark
Would love to hear more about the story. Maybe the Janitor plays victim throughout but his former life comes into play when he is pushed to far...

Re: Story Help

PostPosted: Mon Sep 30, 2013 8:43 pm
by Steve DiMaggio
What I wanted to play on was how overly sensitive your senses become when by yourself in a large building for many hours. Countless times this past summer I thought I saw or heard things, when it really was just my mind playing tricks on me. Spending many hours alone in an empty school can get weird at 5am. I wanted this to take place over the summer when shool is out.

Re: Story Help

PostPosted: Tue Oct 01, 2013 7:48 am
by robmclark
That's a good concept. Being alone for significant periods of time also has a strange effect on human behavior. You lose social skills over time in isolation- even looking someone in the eyes after 30 days of isolation becomes awkward...

Re: Story Help

PostPosted: Tue Oct 01, 2013 1:37 pm
by Steve DiMaggio
funny last night I started mapping everything out, and I was writing some dialog of a lunch room scene telling stories from when I drove cabs. I think that is going to be the first thing I shoot! I have about 12 scenes for a cab story also

Steve