Need a constructive criticism... :)

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James Mayo

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Need a constructive criticism... :)

PostSat Mar 22, 2014 5:47 pm

Hi! I am a budding filmmaker from Philippines, and last February I made a shortfilm with last year's Camera d'Or Winner Angeli Bayani from the film Ilo-Ilo.
I need your help by suggesting some constructive criticisms about this film in terms of story, editing, direction, cinematography, music etc...



thanks! :)
Last edited by James Mayo on Sun Mar 23, 2014 3:34 am, edited 1 time in total.
James Mayo
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David

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Re: Need a constructive criticism... :)

PostSun Mar 23, 2014 4:38 am

OK, I'll give it a shot.

Everything with the main actress and the kids is great. Especially liked the kid kicking the cardboard box down the alley. That was some Mike Leigh ****. Really nice.

The shot on the scooter however I found a little dull and the camera movement inside the car of the intended "target" I found kind of annoying. I might try intercutting between those 2 sequences. IE cutting between the assassin (scooter) and the target (car). Perhaps an insert shot of the scooter passenger revealing the gun. Creating a sense of foreboding.

I understand wanting to do long extended shots, but I think to pull it off you need it to be more dynamic and that scooter shot goes for what? More than 3 minutes? And its not exactly thrilling to watch. It could be cool as a way to show the mundane nature of the assassins, like its just some casual chore they have to carry out, but I still think the shot it is simply too dull and needs to be spiced up with cutting and inserts.

Composition of the climax with the woman and the kids was great. Editing for that part I also thought was spot on.

Sorry if it sounded harsh. I'm tired and grumpy.
David Daniel
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James Mayo

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Re: Need a constructive criticism... :)

PostSun Mar 23, 2014 5:09 am

David wrote:OK, I'll give it a shot.

Everything with the main actress and the kids is great. Especially liked the kid kicking the cardboard box down the alley. That was some Mike Leigh ****. Really nice.

The shot on the scooter however I found a little dull and the camera movement inside the car of the intended "target" I found kind of annoying. I might try intercutting between those 2 sequences. IE cutting between the assassin (scooter) and the target (car). Perhaps an insert shot of the scooter passenger revealing the gun. Creating a sense of foreboding.

I understand wanting to do long extended shots, but I think to pull it off you need it to be more dynamic and that scooter shot goes for what? More than 3 minutes? And its not exactly thrilling to watch. It could be cool as a way to show the mundane nature of the assassins, like its just some casual chore they have to carry out, but I still think the shot it is simply too dull and needs to be spiced up with cutting and inserts.

Composition of the climax with the woman and the kids was great. Editing for that part I also thought was spot on.

Sorry if it sounded harsh. I'm tired and grumpy.


No, that's not harsh! :)
and i really appreciate it!
I will take note of your comments! And thank you for the compliments, these things are great help!
thanks, David!
James Mayo
Up and Coming Filmmaker

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